Incompetent
Did you know that I'm incompetent? It's true. I've been working on creating a data set for some people that Gary works with for...forever! I took a long hiatus during wedding craziness and now (or since mid-Sept) I've been back at it. And I keep telling them I'm going to have it done in a week or so, and I don't. And I'm actually really, really working on it. A lot. But I'm just not so good at what I'm doing. I don't know SAS very well. I know it like a baby knows how to walk. I can only do the simplest things in the world. So this programming is taking me FOREVER! And now I realized that I'm even doing it wrong! LORD! At least sort of wrong. T-thang kindly sent me a very informative write-up on arrays (sorry for the sas jargon, but it means about as much to me as it does to you, I promise). I looked at it and I wanted to puke a little, but now I think I am going to take a stab at using them to fix the problem I have at the moment.
But I'm spazzing out right now b/c I just sent an email to the "team" to explain what's going on and ask a couple of questions I probably should have asked them years ago. And I just said that I was sorry it was taking so long and that the programming is tedious and I'm not very skilled at arrays and I'm SORRY! And I'm so totally embarrassed. I feel like I'm making Gary look bad or something. I don't know. They're not even paying me (Gary is, and I don't think he has a whole lot invested in the project considering he's Mr. Busy-pants/slacks), so maybe I shouldn't spazz so much but I have never felt like I was so bad at something that's supposed to be my job. I just hope they don't yell at me for taking so long.
I don't mean to be incompetent. I just am.
posted by Careyoke @ 7:04 PM
4 Comments:
Chin up, Carey, everyone gets into those situations sometimes. You're putting a lot of pressure on yourself because you feel like you have a responsibility to those other people, but go easy on yourself. Gary would not have given you the job if you didn't have sufficient skills to do it. You're not incomptent, you're just out of practice. And soon you'll figure it all out and everyone will be so impressed. (I'm impressed already).
You're totally one of the most competent people I know! And data sets are hard! The fact that you have any hope AT ALL of accomplishing this task is a monumental testament to just how competent you are.
Have you tried working on it while drunk? Sometimes that helps.
Carey, hard things are hard no matter how smart/skilled you are! Besides, are you supposed to be a student worker? This is where you're supposed to be learning skills. No one expects you to be perfect. I'm amazed at your diligence. Now I'm going to post about competence in my blog!
You are SO not incompetent! You are very competent! Just because you haven't had the opportunity to learn something yet, that doesn't make you incompetent.
I probably overdid it on the details in the thing that I sent you. I tend to do that, because I'm always afraid that I'm being unclear and then the person that I'm sending it to won't understand and will blame themselves for my being unclear. But so much description probably also makes it look much more complicated than it really is.
I wasn't trying to make you want to die! I swear! If you it still makes you want to die, give me a call and I will walk you through it.
-tlb
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